Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Ian McDiarmid, Ahmed Best, Frank Oz, Kenny Baker, Anthony Daniels, Jimmy Smits, Christopher Lee, Hayden Christensen, Temuera Morrison

Directed by: George Lucas

Produced by: Lucasfilm, Ltd.

Distributed by: 20th Century Fox

Genre: science fiction

Xibo's grade:


Average grade:



Review by Xibo Date seen: May 24, 2002
Viewing Location: AMC Empire 25, 42nd St., New York City Grade: A
Summary: Excellently done-- very impressive on digital screens
Luckily, I got to see this on a digital screen, which is how Lucas intended it to be seen. The graphics are sharp-- crystal clear. Absolutely no sign of pixelation. And the sound is just fuckin' amazing.

The storyline is improved over Episode I; almost no Jar Jar! There is a tedious love story in the middle, and while Anakin is smitten in total lust for Padme (like he's always been), somehow she falls for his wiles over time. Go figure, it doesn't make much sense to me.

Everything else works perfectly. Anakin visiting Tatooine. Introduction of the Lars family. Introduction of the clones. The first clone war. The formation of the republic's great forces and the first battle ships (which similar, but not quite like star destroyers). Anakin and Padme running around a factory line like it was Abe's Oddysee-- can't wait for the video game! And of course, massive battles with light sabers and stuff. A great chase scene through Coruscant. Yay.

You'll need a cheat notes to keep track of who the bad guys are and what side they're on in, but I'm sure it all works out in the end, in Episode III, where Lucas will have to kill off most of these characters. One only wonders how exciting these movies would be if they were longer and rated R...  

D+ D+ D+
Review by Jigen Date seen: May 25, 2002
Viewing Location: Burlington - Cascade Grade: D+
Summary: Aiiieee!!! Lucas what crap hath thou wrought!
You have gotta be kidding me. This was supposed to be BETTER than Episode 1. This is a boring, mindless, effects driven exposition. Yes, it lessens the pain on a geek level (little Jar Jar, no midichlorines), but there is so much more pain from the drek shown on screen. Every freaking thing is CGI. Yes the clone world was beautifully done, but my brain got tired at all the junk on screen. I think the actors did too as there were some of the worst, paycheck gathering, mailed in performances I've ever seen in a Star Wars film. Someone please help Mr. Lucas write a better love story. "You're a creepy, stalker, mass-murderer. Kiss me!". I needed a fifth of Jim Beam to get over that one. A crappy detective tale with a horrific stalker-love story culminating in a stupid, non-climactic rescue mission inside a rescue mission inside a pointless battle does not a good movie make. Are we out of original ideas here? Even the lightsaber duel was weak - including an all too short cameo by Yoda. I'd give this a lower rating, but I can't bring myself to slam Star Wars any harder. (UPDATED - I saw it again and I was not NEARLY harsh enough.. new lower grade) 

C+ C+ C+
Review by Finrod Date seen: May 25, 2002
Viewing Location: Atlanta Grade: C+
Summary: An improvement over TPM but not by a lot
Well, the movie was better than Ep 1, if only because about halfway through they stopped the bull$#!+ and got to the action. The first half of the movie gets a D from me, the latter half an A-, it averages to a C+.

If you simply glommed together 1 and 2 and went at them with a heavy-handed editing axe, you could probably get a pretty decent movie out of it. As it is, we're stuck with the two that Lucas made.  

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